A Relational Approach

Spirit Fire believes in relational healing and recovery, and offers friendship person-to-person, heart-to-heart, walking through the impact from abuse in our Church with survivors, family members, parishes, clergy and religious, lay ministries, and leaders. Our basic guidelines are provided below, including a clear nonalignment policy to avoid divisions about other issues impeding reconciliation where the hurt cuts deepest in our Church.

Spirit Fire Guidelines

Spirit Fire uses these guidelines in its facilitated conversations and events. They are based on typical principles for facilitated dialogue during approaches to conflict resolution, with an added spiritual dimension.

Commit to creating a sacred place. Every attendee must enjoy the same measure of consideration, respect and charity.
Assume good intent. Suspend judgment. Do not personalize what is addressed to you.
Listen to hear not to respond. Receive what you hear prayerfully without reaction.
Seek dialogue. Avoid debate and alliances.
Welcome mistakes with honest correction in kindness and not judgment or criticism.
Speak only for yourself. Use “I” statements. Share your experience and views.
Honor boundaries. Do not reveal facts about third parties. Do not ask personal questions.
Ask questions, when appropriate, to clarify and not challenge another point of view.
Encounter attendees as individuals. Mental illness is a diagnosis not an identity. No one is a scapegoat for institutional or family failures.
Share time. Do not dominate. Private time aside with a counselor can address personal needs and preserve the group process.
Empower others by not solving problems or offering advice during discussions or breaks.
Empower yourself. Be mindful of your feelings and actions for signals of what you need. Ask for help if for big or small needs or concerns.
Remember the power of pain. Abide by guidelines which protect all participants from triggers, re-wounding, and vicarious wounds.
Honor group guidelines. Any member may ask for a “time out” at any time to permit the group or facilitator assess dynamics.
Maintain confidentiality and anonymity for all participants without exception. It is prohibited to reveal names or what others say expect as the group may unanimously agree at the outset.

One Success, Different Outcomes

Goal

The goal of a facilitated dialogue is not often a eureka moment with instantaneous resolution of all issues. Of course, that can happen, but even if it does it can take time, sometimes a long, long time.

Requirements

All participants must be willing to participate and must be free and unencumbered. Most facilitated dialogue requires pacing and intervals reserved for personal reflection and even change.

Success

Where there is commitment on all sides, however, astounding transformations in dynamics and outcomes can happen. Often many small issues, which had large damaging effect, are resolved with simple tasks. Large issues transform communication skills, and often create deep and abiding bonds where there was only conflict.

Benefit

Spirit Fire uses principles of facilitated dialogue to help all parties sit down and listen, and in listening grow and heal. The outcome is often transformative even where relationships may need time to heal further. Facilitated dialogue opens the door on exchanging ideas now and in the future.

Disappointment

Always remember, no matter how difficult the dialogue or how disappointing the ending, God is part of the mix. Long after participants have gone separate ways, His Spirit is at work on the seeds planted in dialogue.

Spirit Fire Nonalignment Policy

Abuse does not discriminate, and neither do we.

Spirit Fire practices a meticulous nonalignment approach.

We do not oppose and do not endorse any cause outside our mission to promote:

Protection of children and vulnerable adults, and
Healing and reconciliation for individuals, families, parishes and the Church in the wake of ongoing sexual abuse scandal, and
Sharing our experience, strength and hope with the world around us.

We endeavor to create a welcoming safe place for all with our careful but simple guidelines, because the sad truth is that abuse does not discriminate between those with different beliefs, economic classes, educational levels, races, creeds, ethnic backgrounds, gender or orientation, mental or physical advantages, points of view, ideologies, theological or liturgical preferences.

Our message of hope and healing must be available to all.

Spirit Fire survivors and guests are entitled to their own views and to express their views without further restriction or censorship in a setting of faith. We have all struggled to find the voice muted by abuse, and we seek to respect each other’s freedom to speak as our hearts and consciences lead.

As participants in Spirit Fire events or programs, however, we all agree to comply with our nonalignment approach and with our other guidelines to create a space where it is possible for a restorative-justice dialogue to progress.

Together we are responsible for creating a safe place for all to come together, speak freely, be heard and be reconnected.